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Ladies are being squeezed by hysterical fashion designers into clothes barely large enough for tiny children. Youth has been persuaded by massive corporations that synthetic sports clothes are worth killing each other for. Youth is also intoxicated by technology, spending all its leisure time spouting meaningless words into microchips clasped to their ears like plastic cankers. The cultural and sporting icons of the day merely poke a stick into the morass of society, actively promoting sartorial vulgarity and bovine manners, whilst simultaneously goading Youth into behaving in a very unsportsmanlike way towards one another. The entire population lacks glamour, sophstication and depth. It is clearly time to help these people. In a set of rooms in Pimlico, London, against a background of Baroque fugues played on a. harpsichord, the depravity of society has been observed very closely. Plans have been drawn up for a sartorial and moral revolution. Archives of pamphlets frorn the first half of the twentieth century were consulted to map out the necessary areas of guidance: such as courtesy, tailoring and personal grooming. Barbers across the land were canvassed for their opinions on the problem areas within today?s hairstyles. Doctors, apothecaries and psychologists were asked to diagnose the ills posing the gravest threat to contemporary society. Finally, the stairs leading down to the street from the rooms in Pimlico creak under the impeccable footsteps of...The Chap.